A new low.
I hit a new low yesterday.
Do you ever have those days when you just KNOW you are truly the world's most horrid mother?
Yesterday I was not a good mother.
Jason worked late all week last week. Then he worked most the day on Saturday, and had to work ALL day on Sunday. I try to be a supportive wife. I just feel like lately I am giving my all to trying to be patient with building our business, that there is nothing left of me for anything else. I shouldn't let it effect the way I am with my kids. But I do.
Yesterday was an awful day.
There was yelling.
There was crying.
There were no hugs, no cuddles, no smiles. No fun.
The kids were just as sick of me as I was of them. We just couldn't get over it. Instead of getting better, it got worse! It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to turn the day around, it just wouldn't. The boys kept fighting. Caiden kept yelling at me. Avery got into my make-up and ruined all of it, . . . as we were getting ready to walk out the door for church. We were all in bad mood when we got to church. I couldn't wait for Sacrament to be over so I could have 2 whole hours without the kids.
I know, Mother of the Year, huh?
I cried myself to sleep, knowing that I was a failure of a Mom.
I needed today to better.
It HAD to better . . it wasn't.
BUT, it wasn't worse!
There is a bright side. There is always a bright side!
The kids were up at 5.
Fighting by 5:15.
Still fighting.
No school today, so we had LOTS of time, stuck together.
No money to spend, (banks were closed!) No car to drive. (We got in to go to lunch and the oil bell is ringing!)
I need a break. I need some help. I need a "thank-you!" I need a hug!
I feel like I can't give anymore without getting something back.
I know, I'm pretty selfish.
Jason came home right at bedtime last night. The kids were just as excited to have him home as I was. They were sick of me too. Caiden was so mad at me by the end of the day he told Jason "Mommy isn't cute anymore!" Ouch!
BUT . . . .
I tried harder today.
I didn't want to cry myself to sleep again tonight knowing that I must truly be the world's most horrid mother.
I'd rather cry myself to sleep tonight thinking that I have the world's most horrid children! :)
I wish they had tried harder today.
I guess there is always tomorrow.
So this brings me to a question . . . What do you do when you feel like you have hit a new low? How do you snap yourself out of it? How do you stop the "snowball" effect? Or am I the only Mom with day's like this?
I tried today. I really did. But I still can't wait for that magical hour that the kids have to go to bed.
We baked cookies, which led me to kicking the kids out of the kitchen.
We went for a walk, which led to a fight over which way to go.
We pulled out some craft stuff, which led to time-outs because Avery decided to throw everything at her brothers, whom were teasing her.
We started to play a game, which led to having to throw it away because the kids lost most of the pieces. Which led to crying!
I guess some days . . . some days are just really bad days.
Nothing I can do about it.
Just try to smile and push on through . . . . and try not to have to cry myself to sleep again!
These are the FEW moments that someone wasn't crying.
Caiden skateboarding.
Avery trying to put her skirt back on.
Blaise won his game on Saturday!
8 comments:
Trust me, you are not the only mom with days like this. Gosh, I can't believe how hard parenting can be sometimes. I'm not real sure what a great solution is. Sometimes it seems like the harder you try the worse it gets because then if the kids are still being difficult you get even more mad because you're making such a great effort to turn things around and they're just being ungrateful. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm the only one who's like that. When I'm feeling frustrated with Addison I try to find something to do that I know she loves because then I automatically cheer up watching her have fun. But then again I'm sure it's much easier for me because I don't have kids who are old enough to fight and antagonize one another yet.
You are definitely not the only mom with days like that. I have cried myself to sleep several nights wondering how I can change my ways or how my children can change their ways. :) I loved how you said you wished your kids had tried harder. Sometimes bedtime is your only reprieve on days like this. Hang in there. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!
SENDING YOU A BIG HUG!! :)
WISH I COULD BE THERE TO GIVE YOU ONE IN PERSON, AND HELP YOU OUT WITH THE CHILDREN, WHO ARE MAKING ONE OF MY CHILDREN CRY. :(
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A VERY NORMAL AND COMMON EMOTION, THAT ALL MOTHERS FEEL. KIDS ARE LIKE SHARKS, IF THEY SMELL TENSION OR A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS, THEY GO IN FOR THE KILL. WE AS MOTHERS, TEND TO RELEASE OR VENT OUR FEELINGS A FRUSTRATION MUCH MORE QUICKLY WITH OUR KIDS THEN WE WOULD A STRANGER. IT'S ALL PART OF THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE THING.
NOW WITH THAT SAID, I DON'T THINK THAT THE KIDS FIGHTING IS THE ONLY THING CAUSING YOUR "AWFUL" DAYS. IT SOUNDS TO ME, LIKE YOU MIGHT HAVE AN AWFUL LOT OF STRESS ON YOU RIGHT NOW, THAT YOU ARE FEELING EXTREMELY OVERWHELMED, AND LIKE YOU ARE BEING PULLED IN A DOZEN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AT ONCE, WHERE YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO STOP AND TRY TO FIGURE ANYTHING OUT, IT'S LIKE BEING ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND THAT IS SPINNING SO FAST YOU CAN'T GET OFF, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS THINK "I'VE GOT TO GET OFF THIS DARN THING" WHICH CONSUMES YOUR THOUGHTS TO THE POINT YOU CAN'T THINK OF WAYS TO MAKE IT STOP SO YOU CAN, GET OFF.
YOU SEE MY DARLING DAUGHTER, YOU ARE THE PERSONALITY TYPE THAT TAKES EVERYTHING UPON YOURSELF, YOU WANT TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO FIX EVERYTHING, MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY, ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BRAVE FACE ON. YOU HAVE BEEN THIS WAY SINCE YOU WERE LITTLE. YOU ARE A "PLEASER" A "GIVER", YOU DON'T WANT TO LET ANYONE DOWN, YOU FEEL THIS POWERFUL NEED TO BE THE ONE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING. YOU FEEL ANYTHING LESS IS A SIGN YOU FAILED.
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M NOT SAYING THESE ARE BAD TRAITS TO HAVE, BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY ADMIRABLE TRAITS TO HAVE. THEY ARE A FEW OF MY VERY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT YOU.
HOWEVER, THEY ALSO CAN LEAD TO EXTREME OVER LOAD.
I TRULY ADMIRE YOU AND ALL THAT YOU ARE AND DO. MAYBE, THOUGH IT'S TIME TO STEP BACK AND TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT ALL THE OUTSIDE PRESSURES YOU MIGHT BE FEELING, GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT AND PRAYER, THEN TAKE ONE THING AT A TIME AND TRY TO RESOLVE THEM ONE AT A TIME. REMEMBER THAT RESOLUTION DOSEN'T ALWAYS MEAN WHAT WE NECESSARILY WANT OR WOULD CHOOSE, IT'S NOT A FAILURE TO NOT HAVE EVERYTHING WORK OUT THE WAY YOU THOUGHT OR MAYBE PLANNED. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE LONG TERM PLAN, NOT JUST THE HERE AND NOW PLAN, I READ ONCE
"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make for your future".
MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, KEEPING IN MIND WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE MIGHT THINK OR SAY. BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THE ONLY PEOPLE WITH YOU IN YOUR HOME IS YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR THREE KIDS AND YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.
THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD MOM EVEN ON YOUR "AWFUL" DAYS. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THREE LIVELY, AND AT TIMES CRAZY GRANDCHILDREN, WHO ON DAYS MIGHT DRIVE YOU OVER THE EDGE, BUT BRING ME SUCH JOY AND AMUSEMENT. (I KNOW THEY ARE ONLY FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING TO ME BECAUSE, I CAN ENJOY THEM, WITH OUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH THEM. ONE OF THE PERKS OF BEING A "GRAND" PARENT INSTEAD OF THE PARENT). THANK YOU FOR BEING A LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE WIFE. THANK YOU FOR BEING A FANTASTIC DAUGHTER, WHO IS ALSO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.
P.S.
YOU'RE BRAVER THAN YOU BELIEVE, STRONGER THAN YOU SEEM, AND WISER THAN YOU THINK.
LOVE YOU,
MOM
First of all, you are NOT a horrid mother! I know for a FACT, that you do an amazing job!!! You have a hectic schedule and three kids that want your 100% attention, 100% of the time! That would run anyone ragged at times. I only have two and have days like that ALL the time! Your schedule is enough to make ME stressed out. :) hee hee Secondly, I LOVE your mother. She always has the GREATEST things to say and they always touch me too! It is SO true that you are that personality type that tries to do it ALL....I know, because I'm like that too. Why else do you think we are BFFs?! We are two of a kind woman! I have to say though that I am always in awe at how you manage to keep up with it all and still have a smile on your face. As much as it sucks to hear that you are crying and having a crappy day, it also helps us "peons" to know that even SUPER moms like you have rough days! LOVE YOU GIRL! Hang in there, this week will get better...I PROMISE!
I forgot to mention how much I love the pictures. Caiden looks so awesome on his skateboard and Ava as always is too cute. What good balance they both have!
YES, I TOO FORGOT TO MENTION YOUR PICTURES IN THE NOVEL OF A MESSAGE I LEFT YOU. (SORRY THE GIFT OF GAB COMES NATURAL)
AS ALWAYS THEY ARE AWESOME PICTURES. YOU ALWAYS CAPTURE THE STORY OR THE PERSONALITY OF YOUR CHILDREN SO PERFECTLY IN YOUR SHOTS, THAT IS A GIFT, A TALENT.
I REALLY ADMIRE THAT ABOUT YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOUR DAY IS ROUGH, NO MATTER HOW MUCH FIGHTING OR TEARS THE DAY HAS SEEN, YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO SNAP A MEMORY FOR YOUR CHILDREN. YOU STILL SHOW LOVE AND PUT EVERYTHING ASIDE FOR A MOMENT FOR YOUR KIDS. I KNOW IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME DAY THOSE WILL BE THE THINGS REMEMBERED AND CHERRISHED, BY YOU AND THE KIDS, THE REST IF REMEMBERED AT ALL WILL JUST BE WITH A LIGHT HEARTED SMILE. DON'T YOU EVER DOUBT THAT YOU ARE MAKING KEEPSAKES THAT SOME DAY WILL BE YOUR CHILDRENS FAVORITE AND HAPPIEST MEMORIES.
Heather, you are soo not the only one. We call it "Winning the Mommy Dearest Award". I wish I had an answer for you on how to "snap" out of it. I don't think you can. I wish just admitting you were acting like a crazy psycho woman would correct everything, which it doesn't. Just keep your head up, know that as long as you are doing the best you can, at that moment of the day, and you have faith in the Lord and are raising your kids to not be ax murderers or becoming one yourself, you won the battle that day. If you figure out the answers, please let us all know, we could all benefit from it!
Oh Heather, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. I find that as soon as I start feeling that "crying myself to sleep because I'm such a bad mom" kinda way, it makes things worse because my guilt perpetuates the funk we are all in. But I don't know how to snap out of it either. I JUST told Mark that I need to just be in a better mood tonight, and he said "then start now." What?! It isn't that simple. I guess it should be, and the Mom does set the tone for the whole fam, but the kids need to snap out of it too. Don't they?! I was with you 100% on this one. Thanks for sharing. Here is big blog pat on the back for being a good mom. You are one.
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