Beyond exhausted

I just wanted to take a second to write down some of my thoughts and to update those of you who were wondering.

This past weekend we got a call that Jason's Mom was ill, and went to the doctor. They thought it was just a flu. They treated her for dehydration and were just going to keep on eye on her. That was Saturday. Sunday night we got a call that she had had a seizure, and maybe even a stroke, and that we should head up there. Jason and I booked the first flight out of here on Monday morning. We left our children with my sister, and we said a family prayer. The kids cried, we cried.

Monday morning we got off the plane in Portland and were told not to head to the local hospital, that Eileen was life flighted to OHSU and to head there. We met Jason's family there and were told the news. Eileen was having multiple organ failure. They didn't know what, why or how. So we waited, we prayed, we cried, we hoped, we hugged. Monday night they told us that they ran a million tests, and they just couldn't figure out what was going on. Her kidney's had failed, her liver was failing, her lungs were failing, her blood pressure was dropping, she was on a ventilator and they were out of ideas.

That night we said our good-byes to Jason's mother. I can't even describe what that was like. Jason and I stayed the night shift that night. We sent everyone home to try to get some rest. At 2:30 Tuesday morning, the doctors told Jason and I that it was just a matter of time before her heart gave out. We held her hand until she passed away at 6:00 a.m. Tuesday morning.

I never imagined having to go through something like this. Having to hold my husbands hand, as he held his mother's hand, as she die. I never imagined having to help him call his Dad to let him know that she was with our Heavenly Father now. This was just so unexpected and so very hard. I feel very inadequate right now because I don't know how to help Jason get through this. I was so scared to come home and tell our children that Nandy was with Jesus now. They wanted to know why, they didn't understand it. Blaise just sobbed. I felt so hopeless. Caiden and Avery are still too young to understand that she is gone. When we told them we are going back up in a few days to see everyone in Oregon, Caiden keeps saying he can't wait to see Pa and Nandy. We try to explain that Nandy won't be there, but he doesn't get why.

We still don't know what caused this. Her cause of death was multiple organ failure, but they don't know what caused that. We are hoping that within a few weeks, they will have some answers for us. We are hoping that it will make it a little easier for us to deal with her being gone, if we could understand why this happened.

She will be missed greatly. More than greatly. I can't even put into words right now what a wonderful woman she was. My head hurts, and my eyes can't cry anymore. I just wanted to jot this down real fast and I need to go lie down now. Please keep Jason and his family, especially his Dad, in your prayers and they struggle to come to grips with their unexpected loss.